You have met Mr Right and he popped the question over a romantic dinner. Of course you said YES and your heart is aflutter.
Are you really ready to tie the knot? Ask yourself these important questions before walking down the aisle.
Why are you getting married?
If you are getting married because you think it will save your relationship, you are heading for troubled waters. Similarly if you or your fiancé want to get married to escape something. If you had to put pressure on your fiancé to propose, think again.
Do you want the day or the lifetime?
You have always wanted to get married. But is that enough? When you think of your wedding and your marriage, can you look any further than the party and the gifts? Do you have the same dreams and ideals for the future?
Have you discussed your life beliefs?
Do you both want children? Is one of your religious while the other isn’t? Is he expecting you to become a housewife while you are planning to climb the corporate ladder? These issues – and more – need to be discussed before you head down the aisle. You don’t need to agree on everything but you need to know where you stand.
Does he have "expectations" of you?
Is he limiting access to your friends? Do you have to give up your career? Take a look at the real cost of your relationship. He may be very direct regarding his expectations or sneakily subtle – even trying to tell you that he cares. Spending more than your share on groceries is one thing; not being allowed to spend time with your friends, family and things you love means trouble.
Does he know what you want out of life?
You can’t expect him to save you from an unsatisfactory life, a bad past or your own insecurities. You need to know what YOU want – and tell him that – before committing. And, as important, do you know what your partner’s needs are?
Does he have behavioural red flags?
How does he behave towards you when you are alone? When you are with friends? When he had too much to drink? Look at subtle behaviour changes and decide whether these are acceptable. If he hit you once, he is guaranteed to abuse you in some form or another during your marriage.
Do you know his background?
Do you know his family and friends? Have you met them? Do you understand his family history and how it affected him in later life? It may not seem important when you bask in a romantic glow, but his history affects his current and future relationship with those around him.
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