Most parents become confused and anxious when they have to discuss issues of a sexual nature with their children. They often resort to a mixture of fact and creativity: “When a man and a woman really love each other and want to have a family (good start), a fairy brings them a baby in the middle of the night (where did that come from??).
Rest assured, talking to your children about sex does NOT put ideas in their heads. The media, peers and the sex ed offered in most schools have an incredible influence. The chances are good that anything we have to say will not be new to our child. Wouldn’t you like to make sure that your child has all the correct information, a healthy attitude and the ability to make effective decisions when it comes to sexuality issues? A parent's responsibility is to provide accurate information within a safe environment where the child feels at ease asking questions.
How can parents help their children deal with sexuality issues in a factual and sensitive way?
- Explore your own beliefs and attitudes regarding sex and sexuality before talking to your child. If you are uncomfortable it sends the message that this is a taboo subject and children won’t feel free to come to you with concerns.
- Brush up on your own information about sex and sexuality. Can you explain a menstrual cycle? Or name 5 forms of contraception?
- Find out what your child already knows; this lets you know how much new information your child requires.
- Make communication about sexuality issues an ongoing process. If you have never discussed sexuality within the family before, acknowledge that this is not because it’s not important and make it as much a part of your chats together as things like school or friends or outings.
- Start talking early. Sexual awareness begins with a child labelling themselves as a boy or girl and occurs as early as 2-3 years. Your talks can consist of noting the differences between the sexes or teaching the correct anatomical names for their genitals (you wouldn’t give an arm a nickname, would you?). With the onset of puberty (about 10-13 years), a child will become increasingly aware of their changing body and will start questioning issues such as pre-marital sex, contraception, masturbation and how these fit into their existing beliefs.
- Use an age-appropriate vocabulary. Words like "sexuality" may be substituted by phrases such as "what makes your body special".
- Use the many good DVDs and books of sexuality education available. These can help stimulate conversation and provide accurate information. However, they don’t take the place of a good parent-child relationship and must be used in conjunction with open and frank discussion. If possible, go through the books with your child or watch the video with them.
Sexuality education aims to dispel misinformation and should focus on loving relationships, the role of power between men and women, respect for our own and others' bodies, the right to say “No” when something feels uncomfortable and how our values play a role in decision-making.
Please note: this article is in no way meant to serve as a replacement or substitute for consultation with a qualified practitioner. If you have any doubts regarding your circumstances, please consult a professional.
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